Please remember to write in paragraphs (use a new paragraph for a new time, place or topic). If you include direct speech in your story, make sure it is punctuated correctly.
Remember to check your work carefully before you post.
Sunday 13 November 2016
Fairy Stories
Over the next few weeks, we will be reading some fairy stories and writing balanced arguments based on these stories.
For your homework, we would like you to write (in your own words) either the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, or Little Red Riding Hood. Please post your homework onto the blog.
Please remember to write in paragraphs (use a new paragraph for a new time, place or topic). If you include direct speech in your story, make sure it is punctuated correctly.
Remember to check your work carefully before you post.
Please remember to write in paragraphs (use a new paragraph for a new time, place or topic). If you include direct speech in your story, make sure it is punctuated correctly.
Remember to check your work carefully before you post.
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The Goldilocks and The Three Bears
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there was a girl called Goldilocks. One day, she went for a walk and then she got lost. She found a house and in the house there were three bears, big father bear, middle – sized mother bear and tiny baby bear. The three bears went outside for a walk because their food were still hot.
Then Goldilocks knocked at the door but there’s no one, so she pushed the door and it opens. She saw three bowls and tasted big father porridge and she said it too hot. Then she tried middle – sized mother’s porridge and she said it was cold. Then she tried baby bear’s porridge and she said it was just right. Then she said she was tired so she tried big father bear’s chair and she said it was big. She also tried middle-sized mother bear’s chair and she said it is big too. She tried tiny baby bear’s chair and said it was perfect but it brakes. She went up stair and saw three beds. She tried big father’s bed but it was hard. She tried middle -sized mother’s bed but it was too soft and then she tried baby bear’s bed and fell asleep.
Then the bears came home. They saw the door was open so they came in the house and saw someone has eaten big father’s porridge, middle -sized mother’s porridge and tiny baby’s porridge. Big father bear said, ”who has sat on my chair”? Middle-sized mother bear said, ”who has sat on my chair”? Tiny baby bear said, “who has sat on my chair and broke too. Then they went up stair and saw that someone has slept in their bed. Tiny baby bear said, ”who is sleeping in my bed”? Goldilocks woke up and three bears saw her. She ran so fast. She said, “I will never go to the forest again”!
By
Kristen
Well done Kristen, this is a very clear retelling of the story.
DeleteWell done for using inverted commas to mark speech. Don't forget to start speech with a capital letter.
Next time I will.
Deleteby Kristen
Blossom and Three Panda’s:
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, in China there was a girl named Blossom who lived with her family at the edge of the woods. Blossom was very naughty girl and didn't listen at all! One day, when she was leaving for school her mum said “ I found a shortcut to school but, you have to go through the woods and stick to the path”. “Ok” said Blossom and set off but, just as her mum feared; she didn't stick to the path and got lost. After some time she saw a cottage and approached it and discovered it was made of bamboo. She knocked politely at the door but nobody answered so she went in. Suddenly a familiar sweet smell wafted towards her and her tummy rumbled. She walked towards the scent and saw three bowls of popstickers. She tried the largest bowl but, it was too hard, the medium sized bowl too soft and the smallest just right so she ate it all up. Now that she’d eaten she wanted to sit down. She went to the living room and noticed three chairs on the side. First she sat in the biggest chair but it was too creaky, next the medium was too comfy and the smallest just right. Blossom was too heavy and the chair broke. “ Never mind I’ll just find the bedroom and warily climbed the stairs and found a room with three tidy beds that made Blossom feel very guilty indeed. She tried the first bed but it was uncomfortable, the second too squishy and the last just right. It was so nice she fell asleep! Little did she know that the house belonged to three tidy pandas: Mama, Papa and Baby and they were on their way back home. Blossom woke and headed downstairs where she went in the garden and found three pairs of wellies. She tried the big pair first but it was too muddy, the next too wet and the last just right so wore them and got to work planting flowers, trimming the bushes, mowing the lawn and chopping the weeds. By this time the pandas had found the mess Blossom had made and went to the garden and found Blossom making it so neat and tidy they forgot to be angry. Blossom and the pandas became the best of friends and she visited them after school everyday and they lived happily ever after!!
By: Vibha
Well done Vibha. You used some great descriptive phrases. I especially liked " a familiar sweet smell".
DeleteCan you repost your work using paragraphs (new topic, place or time)?
Blossom and Three Panda’s:
DeleteOnce upon a time, in China there was a girl named Blossom who lived with her family at the edge of the woods. Blossom was very naughty girl and didn't listen at all! One day, when she was leaving for school her mum said “ I found a shortcut to school but, you have to go through the woods and stick to the path”. “Ok” said Blossom and set off but, just as her mum feared; she didn't stick to the path and got lost.
After some time she saw a cottage and approached it and discovered it was made of bamboo. She knocked politely at the door but nobody answered so she went in. Suddenly a familiar sweet smell wafted towards her and her tummy rumbled. She walked towards the scent and saw three bowls of popstickers. She tried the largest bowl but, it was too hard, the medium sized bowl too soft and the smallest just right so she ate it all up. Now that she’d eaten she wanted to sit down.
She went to the living room and noticed three chairs on the side. First she sat in the biggest chair but it was too creaky, next the medium was too comfy and the smallest just right. Blossom was too heavy and the chair broke.
“ Never mind I’ll just find the bedroom and warily climbed the stairs and found a room with three tidy beds that made Blossom feel very guilty indeed. She tried the first bed but it was uncomfortable, the second too squishy and the last just right. It was so nice she fell asleep!
Little did she know that the house belonged to three tidy pandas: Mama, Papa and Baby and they were on their way back home.
Blossom woke and headed downstairs where she went in the garden and found three pairs of wellies. She tried the big pair first but it was too muddy, the next too wet and the last just right so wore them and got to work planting flowers, trimming the bushes, mowing the lawn and chopping the weeds. By this time the pandas had found the mess Blossom had made and went to the garden and found Blossom making it so neat and tidy they forgot to be angry. Blossom and the pandas became the best of friends and she visited them after school everyday and they lived happily ever after!!
By: Vibha
This is goldilocks and the 3 bears in my own words. Once there was a girl could jesica and she lives with here mom tracey. Tracey and jecica did't have any food so Tracey aseked her daghter tracey togo and knok on her nabbers door to ask for some food.
ReplyDeleteSo they went and noked there door but nobody was there but the door was open so they went straght in. When they went in they sor a pot of poragie just sitting there so jesica tuked in but the first was to hot and the second one was to cold so she moved on to the third one and it was just right.
Then jesica sor 3 chairs but didt no which one to sit on so she sat on the big chair but it was't cunfey at all. Next tracey sat on the middle one but it was't her hight. Finally she sat on the little sized chair and it was just right.
Tracey went upstares and sorna bedroom with 3 consoles one was a xbox one the next one was a ps4 and the last one was a playstation 3. First she went on the ps3 but she did't like it then she went on the ps4 but there was something not good with her playing then she went on the xbox one and it was really fun for her.
A few ours later the famaliy have came back when jesca herd something sheran but she could gt out so she ran down stairs and said sorry and they forgive her. THE END
BY TOMMY
Well done Tommy. I liked the way you changed some parts of the story but kept the same structure.
DeleteYou need to remember to spell check your work before you post. Remember apostrophes for omission. How would you spell the short version of these words:
did not
was not
Was't
DeleteDid't
Was't did't
DeleteThis is little red ridding hood in my own words.Once upon a time there was a girl called little red ridding hood One day here grandma was sick then here mum said to go to grandmas house and give her these cocies to her."BUT" don`t tell any one were you are going exspeshle the big bad wolf don`t tell any strangers ."OK".So little
ReplyDeletered ridding hood went.When she almost was there the big bad wolf came and toled little red ridding hood were is she going here mum said to no`t tell any one but she feget about what here mum said.She toled the big bad wolf evry thing she nod she said that there is a little house over there that is were my grandma is.Then little red ridding hood was picking flowers for here grandma.The big bad wolf was at here grandmas house then he sounded like little red ridding hood then her grandmas said to come in little red ridding hood came but she was`tn that seprised "OH" grandma what big eyes you have all the better to see you with "OH" grandma what big ears you have all the better to hair you with "OH" grandma what big teeth you have all the better to eat you with a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a`a` yelled little red ridding hood.Then the shuffler came and got a spaed and came and cuted the wolfs tummy and little red ridding hood`s grandma came out of the tummy and little red ridding hood gave a cocei to the shuffler and the wolf was never see in her life and they all lived happily ever after.
THE END!!!!!
byIqra
Well done Iqra, you've clearly understood the story and written it into your own words.
DeleteRemember to spell check your work before you post (make sure you use her and here correctly).
Use think, say, write, check, like we do in class to help you to write in sentences.
ok
Deleteby Iqra
Little Red Riding Hood
ReplyDeleteOnce there was a little girl called little red riding hood she lived in a village near the forest edge everywhere she went she took her red coat so she is called little red riding hood. Once her mother asked her to go her grandma's house but beware of the big bad wolf here take this basket because grandma is sick.
So she left and on her way through the forest,she saw bushes and trees and she picked flowers for her grandma. Suddenly appeared from know-where a big bad wolf came she knew that the big bad wolf was real because she saw it before now that the wolf came he asked questions. Were are you going said the wolf i'm going to my grandma's house.
As she got to her grandma's house she knocked on the door but know one answered inside the big bad wolf pretended to be the grandma, grandma was in the cupboard so she went inside and she said what. Oh what big eyes you have all the better to see you with. Oh what big ears you have all the better to hear you with. Oh what sharp teeth you have all the better to eat you with you are not my grandma you are the big bad wolf Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Little red riding hood ran out of the house, the woodcutter saw the wolf chasing red riding hood and killed it with his axe. After the wolf had died grandma was freed from the cupboard. Here are some cookies. Arya
Well done for remembering to use paragraphs accurately Arya.
DeleteRemember to put inverted commas around direct speech and say who is speaking. Copy and paste the third paragraph below and correct the speech.
As she got to her grandma's house she knocked on the door but know one answered inside the big bad wolf pretended to be the grandma, grandma was in the cupboard so she went inside and she said what. "Oh what big eyes you have all the better to see you with." Oh what big ears you have all the better to hear you with"."Oh what sharp teeth you have all the better to eat you with you are not my grandma you are the big bad wolf Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Little red riding hood ran out of the house, the woodcutter saw the wolf chasing red riding hood and killed it with his axe. After the wolf had died grandma was freed from the cupboard." Here are some cookies."said little red riding hood. Arya
DeleteLittle Red Riding Hood
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there lived a young girl, who always wore a red hood, so, she was known as little red riding hood. She lived at the end of a spooky dark forest whereas her grandmother lived in the middle.
One day her mum asked Little Red Riding Hood to take some cookies to her grandmas house and not talk to any strangers.
She set off. When she started walking she met a scary dangerous wolf and forgot about what her mum had said and started to talk. The wolf attracted her to some pretty beautiful flowers and asked her where she was going and little Red Riding Hood told him. Soon he reached the house and stuffed grandma in the wardrobe and put her clothes on. A little while later, Little Red Riding Hood arrived and the wolf gobbled every thing up!
She called the wood cutter, which saved the day, and killed the wolf.
They were all friends for the rest of their lives!!!
The end
Well done Ananya. You used different sentence lengths to make your writing more interesting. Can you write your final paragraph again and add more detail about how the wood cutter saved them. You could also include some speech.
DeleteA little while later,Little Red Riding Hood arrived to give her grandmother some cupcakes. When, the wolf gobbled the cakes all up! She called the wood cutter, who got the axe and sliced it through the wolf's body. They were all friends for the rest of their lives!
DeleteAnanya
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there was a girl called little red ridding hood
She lived with her mother in a little cottage. One day little red
Riding hood was told by her mother that “little red riding hood
You have to go to your grandma’s house” so little red riding hood
Said” ok mother I’ll go to grandma’s house”.
On little red riding hoods way to grandma’s house she met a wolf
Called the big bad wolf he wanted to eat little red riding hood.
The wolf asked her “where are you going” and she said that
“ I’m going to my grandma’s house.”
Then the wolf asked “where does your grandma live” and she said behind those trees and he said “okay.” The wolf told her that there
Was a short cut but actually it took longer then the usual path and
She said “ok.”
The wolf reached the house and gobbled up little red riding hoods
Grandma. A little while later little red riding hood came and knocked
On the door grandma said “come in” but the grandma was actually the wolf dressed up as grandma. Little red ridding hood said to grandma
“ what big eyes you have grandma”
“all the better to see you my dear” said the wolf.
Then little red riding hood asked “grandma what big ears you have”
“The wolf said all the better to hear you my dear.”
After that she asked “ grandma what sharp teeth you have”
Then the wolf said “ all the better to eat you with my dear!”
The wolf jumped out of the bed and tried to eat little red riding hood
But then she screamed there was a wood cutter near the little cottage
He heard her scream then the wood cutter ran as quick as a flash.
He chopped open the wolf’s tummy then took grandma out then the wolf
Died.the end. KAVIN
Once upon a time there was a boy called Jack. He lived with his
ReplyDeleteFather and Mother. They were very poor. All they had was a cow.
One morning, Jack’s father told Jack to take their cow to
market and sell her. On the way, Jack met a old man. He gave Jack
some magic beans and money for the cow.
Jack took the beans and went back home. When Jack’s father and mother saw the beans they was very angry. Mother threw the beans out of the window.
The next morning, Jack looked out of the bedrooms window. There was a
giant beanstalk. He went outside and started to climb the
beanstalk.
He climbed up to the sky through the clouds. Jack saw a
beautiful castle. He went inside.
Jack heard a voice. “Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum!” Jack ran into a
cupboard.
An enormous giant came into the room and sat down. On the
table there was a hen, golden harp and food.The giant ate his food first then...
“Lay!” said the giant. The hen laid an egg. It was made of gold.
“Sing!” said the giant. The harp began to sing. Soon the giant
was asleep.
Jack jumped out of the cupboard. He took the hen and the harp.
Suddenly, the harp sang, “Help, master!”
The giant woke up and shouted, “Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum!” Jack ran
and started climbing down the beanstalk. The giant came down
after him.
Jack shouted, “Father, Mother, help!” Father took an axe and
chopped down the beanstalk. The giant fell and crashed to the
ground. Nobody ever saw him again.
With the golden eggs and the magic harp, Jack, his father and his mother lived happily ever after
From Soham
Once upon a time there was a boy called Jack. He lived in a cottage with his mum and cow called Daisy. One day his mother told him to take Daisy to the market. On the way Jack meet a strange man who had colorful bean's. The old man want to trade with Jack. He said - if you give me your cow , i will give you the magic bean's. When Jack arrived at the cottage, he planted the bean's in the yard. Jack gave water to the plant.
ReplyDeleteThe next day there was a giant bean stalk in the yard. Jack climbed to the top of the bean stalk, but he forgotten he had with him a bag. When he realized he had a bag, he notice big shade behind him. When he turn around, he saw a giant castle.
Jack said: - What! I will have a look.
When he got in, it look like's a normal house, but everything was 10 times bigger.
Jack spotted a harp. When he looked in a bag, he noticed a mouse costume. When he changed, he went for the harp and he put it in the bag.
Jack slide down the bean stalk and gave his mum a magic harp. She played tune food and the next day they had a loots of food.
Jack climbed the bean stalk again and he stole a magic goose witch made a golden eggs. Next time Jack took a lot of gold.
Jack went to the men that knew how to make axes. They make a golden axe.
The giant who live in the castle he notice that someone has stole his gold, ,harp and his hen and when the giant saw jack then he said fi fa fo fa jack ran climbed down the bean stalk and got his tnt and blew up the beanstalk. And the giant fell down to the ground and got injured. Giant jump to the cloud and Jack never seen him again.
The end.
This is a fantastic piece of writing Daniel, well done!
DeleteTHE TREE little cats and the vain girl
ReplyDeleteonce a upon a time there lived one huge old cat one
was quiet cat and one tiny tiny kitten who loved food
one day they woke up and made breakfast mum cat said "the food is
too hot maybe we should go back to bed " so they all went to bed leaving
there cinnamon apple porridge to cool on the window ledge.
A vain girl comes from the woods with her phone and when she was walking
past the house a sweet smell caught her so she turn around and knocked
on the door but no one opened the door .so she see 3 spoons and
3 different sized bowls so she thought to her self "mm I don't want to
get fat so maybe if I just take one spoon from each bowl it is not the
same eating the whole bowl .
then she hears roaring so she ducks up the window ledge and she heard
thumps and one tiny cat comes and looks at there porridge" hey our food
is gone and the the baby is sad and the girl laughs hard and runs
away
THE END WHO SIDE ARE YOU ON
I loved this story Talitha. You did a good job of changing some things while keeping to the same story structure.
DeleteRemember to use think, say, write, check like we do in class to help you to use full stops correctly.
Can you copy and paste your last paragraph into the comments below and add the missing full stops?
Then she hears roaring so she ducks up the window ledge.she heard
Deletethumps and one tiny cat comes and looks at there porridge" hey our food
is gone and the the baby is sad and the girl laughs hard and runs
away .
Very nearly there Talitha. Remember to only use 'and' once in a sentence and start sentences with a capital letter. Would you like to have one more go?
DeleteOnce upon a time, there was a girl called Goldilocks, one day she went in the forest to pick some strawberries , all of a sudden she saw a cottage with the door open we decided to go inside she found a baked pie. The pie had Raspberries in it though she didn't like luckily , there were two more pies they had blueberries and strawberries. She loved the one with strawberries in it so she gobbled it all up.
ReplyDeleteShe found the living room she watched TV for hours until the bears arrived . The bears cased her all the way home and she didn't come back again until....
One day she came back to apologise , after she said sorry they all ate more pie and lived happily ever after.
THE END!
A great idea for your story Esra, well done. I liked they way you changed the porridge for pies.
DeleteCan you copy and paste your first paragraph and comment below, making sure you use full stops and capital letters correctly? Use think, say, write, check to help you.
Once upon a time, there was a girl called Goldilocks. One day she went in the forest to pick some strawberries , all of a sudden she saw a cottage with the door open. She decided to go inside she found a baked pie, The pie had Raspberries in it though she didn't like luckily , there were two more pies they had blueberries and strawberries. She loved the one with strawberries in it so she gobbled it all up.
DeleteGoldilocksGoldilocks and the Three Bears
ReplyDeleteOnce there was a house in the woods in that house lived 3 bers one big bear one midium bear and one tiny litle bear they made porige on the table and whent to shops to buy suger and a litle girl came and sow the door open so she went in side there was a porig in the kichen there whare three poriges one was to cold one was to hot and the last one was to old so she went up stairs and she sow three rooms in one there was one big bed in one there was a midium bed and in one there was a tiny bed.One was to hard one was to wet and one was to routh.
She went to the garden there where three chairs one was to old one was to big and one was to samall she heard the bears in the house back from the shopings to buy suger for tea to drink with porig and she came to the house and heard a ratle in the kichen and she sow three bears standing and shouting and jumpig all over the place goldilocks id said "sory"but they didnt accept it as a apolojais from her she said "sory" again and they forgiven her and they helped eachather and they leaved haply ever after and be frinds for the rest of thers lives.THE END!
by Dawid
I liked the happy ending Dawid, well done.
DeleteRemember to use think, say, write, check to ensure that you write in full sentences. Copy and paste your work below and correct the punctuation please.
GoldilocksGoldilocks and the Three Bears
DeleteOnce there was a house in the woods in that house lived 3 bers one big bear one midium bear and one tiny litle bear they made porige on the table and whent to shops to buy suger and a litle girl came and sow the door open so she went in side there was a porig in the kichen there whare three poriges one was to cold one was to hot and the last one was to old so she went up stairs and she sow three rooms in one there was one big bed in one there was a midium bed and in one there was a tiny bed.One was to hard one was to wet and one was to routh.
She went to the garden there where three chairs one was to old one was to big and one was to samall she heard the bears in the house back from the shopings to buy suger for tea to drink with porig and she came to the house and heard a ratle in the kichen and she sow three bears standing and shouting and jumpig all over the place goldilocks id said "sory"but they didnt accept it as a apolojais from her she said "sory" again and they forgiven her and they helped eachather and they leaved haply ever after and be frinds for the rest of thers lives.THE END!
by Dawid
Goldilocks and the three Bears
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there lived a girl called goldilocks and three bears a big Massive bear a middle sized - bear and a tiny tiny bear. They lived in a little hut just opposite the forest.
Once Goldilocks was lost in the forest were the bears lived and on the same day the the bears made some porridge they said "This porridge is too too hot " the middle-sized bear said "let's go on a walk in the forest"the bears agreed so they did. After a while goldilocks came by and saw the door wide open so she knocked on the door there was no answer she and then she when't in.There was no one immediately she ran to the table and sat on the huge chair she said"this one is to big and hard.Then she sat on the middle-sized chair and said"this one is to soft".After she sat on the tiny tiny chair and ate the delicious porridge.After she eat she went up stairs and fist bed and it was to hard then she went to the middle sized bed it was to soft after she went on the baby bed .
by haaris
Well done Haaris. What happened at the end of the story?
DeleteWell done for remembering inverted commas to mark speech. Don't forget that you need punctuation before the speech and inside the inverted commas, and the speech needs to start with a capital letter.
Copy and paste your work in a reply below and correct the speech punctuation.
Goldilocks and the three Bears
DeleteOnce upon a time there lived a girl called goldilocks and three bears a big Massive bear a middle sized - bear and a tiny tiny bear. They lived in a little hut just opposite the forest.
Once Goldilocks was lost in the forest were the bears lived and on the same day the the bears made some porridge they said "This porridge is too too hot " the middle-sized bear said "let's go on a walk in the forest"the bears agreed so they did. After a while goldilocks came by and saw the door wide open so she knocked on the door there was no answer she then went in.There was no one immediately she ran to the table and sat on the huge chair she said",this one is to big and hard".Then she sat on the middle-sized chair and said",this one is to soft".After she sat on the tiny tiny chair and said",this one is just right" ate the delicious porridge.After she eat she went up stairs on the white stairs and fist bed and it was to hard then she went to the middle sized bed it was to soft after she went on the baby bed .Then the bears came back they saw their house murdered .They came in the house and saw all of the mess.They wen't up stairs and saw goldilocks sleeping in baby bears bed so they growled at her she instantly woke up and said a big sorry and became friends what happens next.....
by haaris
Not quite Haaris, but thanks for responding.
DeleteI've copied an example below to show you:
There was no one immediately she ran to the table and sat on the huge chair she said,
"This one is to big and hard."Then she sat on the middle-sized chair and said,"This one is to soft."
What did I do differently?
i like your story well don haaris
Deleteyou say "this one is to big and hard
DeleteOnce upon a time there was a girl called goldeloks and the three bares. The three bears went on a walk to let there porage cool down but when they left they left there door wide open.so goldeloks went in the house there were three porages the mumy bare was real fat and the chair was very old.the dads to hard so she didnt sit there and the porage was to salty for her.the baby bear chair was to small and the food was small a portion. But the mumy bares chair had a great big pillow on it and the food was just write but the chiar was so old it broke into lots of pieces.She went in the bares bedroom and saw three beds. so she went in the dads bed but it was to hard the babys bed was to soft but the mums bed was just write so she fell a sleep.
ReplyDeleteWen the bares came home what a fun walk the dad said im to fat for walks the baby said i dont like walks i like running.
someone has sat in my chair and had porage!!!but they did not have much.the baby bare copyed the dad.the mum said somone has broke my chair and ate all the porage!!!when they went up stiars they relised goldelocks was still in the mums bed they growled so goldeloks ran of.
by mal
A good retelling of the story Mal, well done.
DeleteCan you copy and paste your post below and check the spellings carefully. Also, make sure the speech is punctuated correctly.
good one
Deletehaaris
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
ReplyDeleteOne upon a time there was a little girl called Goldilocks. One day Goldilocks was walking through the forest and saw a house. She knocked on the door but no one answered, the door was open so she went inside. Goldilocks saw three bowls of porridge on the table and was hungry. “This porridge is too hot!” “This porridge is too cold!” ”This porridge is just right!” She ate all the porridge.
Goldilocks was tired and sat down. “This chair is too big!” She tried the medium size chair. “This chair is also too big!” She tried the small chair. “This chair is just right!” Snap! The chair broke.
Goldilocks was very tired and went upstairs. She lay down. “This bed is too hard!” Goldilocks tried the medium size bed. “This Bed is too soft!” She lay down on the small bed. “This bed is just right!” and fell asleep.
The bears came back, after their walk through the forest. “Who’s been eating my porridge!” said daddy bear. “Who’s been eating my porridge!” said mummy bear. “Who’s been eating my porridge!” wept baby bear. “They’ve eaten it all up!”
“Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” said daddy bear. “Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” said mummy bear. “Someone’s been sitting in my chair and they’ve broken it!” wept baby bear.
The bears went upstairs. “Who’s been sleeping in my bed!” said daddy bear. “Who’s been sleeping in my bed!” said mummy bear. “Who’s been sleeping in my bed and look she’s still in it!” wept baby bear.
Goldilocks woke up and saw the three bears. “Help!” she yelled. She leapt out of bed and ran downstairs and into the forest, never to be seen again.
Arnav
Wow! A fantastic piece of writing Arnav, well done!
DeleteLittle Red Riding Hood
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there was a little girl that always wear a red hood, and being called Little Red Riding Hood.
One day little red riding hoods mum said "Take these cookies to grandma she's feeling sick" so little red riding hood said "okay". So she went off to the forest and found some beautiful flowers and thought it would be good to take it to grandma. So she skip down to grandmas house. Suddenly in the middle of the forest there came a big bad wolf and kindly said "Where are you going little girl"
so, little red riding hood answered back and said "I'm going to my grandmas house. Then the big bad wolf thought to trick her to eat her as well. The big bad wolf rushed to her grandmas house while little red riding hood was picking up some beautiful flowers. When the big bad wolf has got there he rushed inside locked grandma in the cupboard and dressed up liked her. A little while later little red riding hood got there and knocked the door but nobody answered so she went in. When she saw grandma she noticed that she was different so she asked "why do you have such big eyes grandma?"
and then the wolf said "so I can see better"
little red riding hood said "why do you have such big nose?"
the wolf said "so I can smell better"
little red riding hood said "why do you have such sharp teeth?"
the wolf said "SO I CAN EAT YOU ALL11!!!!
So little red riding hood ran and got the wood cutter, which saved the day ,
and killed the wolf.
So the wood cutter got grandma out of the cupboard and lived happily ever after.
THE END!!!!!!!
A good retelling of the story Aisha. Well done for remembering to use inverted commas around direct speech. Don't forget that you need a comma before speech, the speech needs to start with a capital letter and you need punctuation inside the inverted commas. Also, remember that speech needs to be on a new line. Can you copy and paste your post below and correct the errors with the punctuation.
DeleteAlso, please check the tense carefully. It should all be written in the past tense.
I've done the first two sentences for you below. Please copy and paste the rest:
Once upon a time there was a little girl that always wore a red hood, and she was called Little Red Riding Hood.
One day Little Red Riding Hood's mum said,
"Take these cookies to grandma. She's feeling sick." So Little Red Riding Hood said,
"Okay."
So she went off to the forest and found some beautiful flowers and thought it would be good for grandma. So she skip down to grandma's house . Suddenly in the middle of the forest the big bad wolf came and said sweetly
Delete"Where are you going little girl"
So little red riding hood said
"I'm going to my grandma's house."
So the wolf thought it could be good to trick her so he rushed over to her grandma's and locked her in the cupboard and dressed up liked her.When Little Red Riding Hood got there she knocked on the door but nobody answered so she went in. However she spotted something different so she said
"Why do you have a big nose?"
So the wolf said
"So I can smell you better"
But there was something else strange so she said
"Why do you have big eyes?"
Then the wolf said
"So I can see you better"
But there was something strange as well so she said quietly
"Why do you have such big sharp teeth's?"
So the wolf shouted
"SO I CAN EAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So Little Red Riding Hood ran over to get the woodcutter
which saved the day got grandma out of the cupboard and
lived happily ever after!
THE END!!!!!
By Aisha
Once upon a time there were two people:Jack and his mum.They were very poor people and they decided that they sold their cow.Mum said "Jack will you sell the cow?""Ok i will"responded Jack so he set off.A while later he found someone to sell the cow to . So jack said "How much for the cow" but the stranger said "I'm actually gonna trade for the cow and in return I will give you magic beans.""Ok" said Jack so he traded.He went home and showed his mum the beans she wasn't pleased with him Anyway, Jack planted the beans. He tried to show his mum that these beans were worth something
ReplyDeleteA day later Jack checked on the beans the plant grew massive it was a beanstalk.He climbed up the beanstalk to see what was up there and in his sight there was a giant house on a cloud!
Jack went in the house and saw a giant with some gold!He tried to not wake up the giant because he tried to steel the gold so he grabbed the gold and ran but the giant saw him so he climbed down the beanstalk as well as the giant but the giant fell down and died.
by Igor
Jack and the Beanstalk in my own words. once anytime there was freed he went to someone to sell a sheep the man gave him a seed of a sunflower he put it in his pot out side when he was sleeping he woke up he saw a big sunflower so he claimed it when he got up he saw a big house so he went in side then someone said to freed Ill kill him so he ran down of the sunflower kick to home. By Bartek
ReplyDeleteI like your work, Bartek. However,what does lll mean?
DeleteAlso, at the end, you said, "Then someone said to freed"
So, you can change it as,"Then someone said to free"
Soham
Goldie Locks and the three bears
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time there was a wood, inside the wood there was a cottage and inside the cottage was a family of bears. The bears were called daddy bear, mummy bear and baby bear. Now, these bears had made porridge for breakfast but it was too hot. So, they decided to go for a walk in the woods instead of lingering at home having nothing to do. Off they went out for a nice morning walk. But they had forgotten to lock the door.
Off the bears had gone and along came a young girl. Her name was Goldie Locks (I’m not being offensive, but her name joined perfectly with her looks). She was a tall girl with a mass of gold locks, she wore a plain white dress with a blue and white checked apron covering the top of it. As she was walking down the woods she smelt the delightful smell of porridge, and because she loved porridge with all her heart she followed the smell. She followed the lovely smell to the bear’s cottage. Goldie Locks really wanted a taste of the lovely smelling porridge. She knocked on the door but there wasn’t an answer. So, she called “is anyone home” but there wasn’t an answer.
As she wasn’t a kind girl, she just barged inside. It was a lovely home but Goldie Locks didn’t bother looking around, she intended in going straight to the kitchen. So, without caring for the pretty ornaments she marched inside as if a massive army behind her and she needed to kill the people in this house. At last she found the kitchen, she noticed the big pot of porridge and stood up straight. Nothing could please her more than a bowl of porridge. The porridge was separated into three saucers. The young girl assumed three people lived here. She tried the first bowl,” this is too hot” she moaned. She tried the second bowl “this is too sweet” she cried, this was the last bowl she hoped it would taste fine she tasted it and guess what she said? “This is perfect” she sang. She loved it so much that she finished the lot in no time.
After that massive bowl of porridge she needed a sit down so she found the living room and sat down in the comfiest chair she could find. The chair she was sitting on looked comfy but wasn’t comfy when she sat. She went and sat on the second comfiest chair she saw, this was comfier but it wasn’t as comfy as the chair at her house. So she sat on the last chair, it was the comfiest chair she’d ever sat on. Oops. Suddenly the chair cracked she jumped up and tried to save the chair but it was too old, so it just broke. But she couldn’t be bothered to fix it as she was too tired to do so. So she went upstairs to find the bedroom. When she found the bedroom she settled down on the biggest bed she could find. The bed wasn’t comfy at all. So she clambered up onto the second bed. It was a little comfier than the first bed so she decided to try the last bed. It was the comfiest bed she had ever slept in.
As the bed was so comfy she dropped off to sleep. Meanwhile the bears were walking through the door. When the bears came into their house they were surprised to see that their spoons were in their bowls. But baby bear was most upset as he didn’t have any breakfast left and he was more than hungry. Then the bears went to the living room to sit down. They were not happy with what was there before themselves. But baby bear suddenly burst into tears, as his chair had been broken into a million pieces. As the family was tired they went upstairs. They were quite angry as their bedcovers had been moved. But they were all astonished to see that a young girl was sleeping in baby bear’s bed. The family started growling which woke GoldiLocks with a start. She screamed, jumped out of the window and they never saw each other again.
The End
By Eva
Well done Eva. This is lovely retelling of the story! I love how you used your own 'author's voice' in the first paragraph, and how you've applied your knowledge of apostrophes for possession. You've chosen some fantastic vocabulary too. I especially liked the use of the word lingered.
DeleteI've corrected some of your speech puncutation below. Have a look at what I've done and see if you can correct any other sections of speech.
So, she called,
“Is anyone home?” but there wasn’t an answer.
She tried the second bowl,
Delete“this is too sweet” she cried, this was the last bowl she hoped it would taste fine she tasted it and guess what she said?,
“This is perfect” she sang. She loved it so much that she finished the lot in no time.
Once upon a time there lived three bears, Dady bear, Mummy bear and Baby bear. They lived in a medium sized cottege and Mummy bear was preparing a delicious porridge for them. Then, they sat down, all together, and tried thier porridge. Everyone thought that it was too hot so they decided to go for a walk in the dry green forest.
ReplyDeleteWhile the scary bears were walking in the forest, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She had long beautiful gold hair and she was wearing a blue dress with bright red shoes. One day Goldilocks was skipping through the dry green forest. Later, she arrived to a medium sized cottege. Goldilocks knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
After that, it began to rain so the bears were coming back to their cottege in a bit of a hurry. She decided to go in, because the door was left opened, and there was nobody there so she stayed there just for a few minutes until the rain had stopped. There were three bolls of porridge one huge one, one small one and one tiny boll with one huge spoon, one small one and one tiny one. Goldilocks was rather hungry so she went to the huge boll and tried some.
''It's too hot!'' she said.
It was too hot plus the spoon was too heavy so she went to the small boll and it was too cold.
''It's too cold'' said Goldilocks.
Finally, she went to the tiny boll and it was so perfect that she ate it all up!
''Yum this one is just perfect!'' she said eating it like an animal.
Then, Goldilocks wanted to sit down so she went to the living room. Then she found three chairs, one huge one, one small one and one tiny one. First, Goldilocks sat on the huge chair and it was too hard.
''It's too hard!'' said Goldilocks complaining.
Next, she sat on the small chair and that one was too soft that she sank!
''This one is too soft!'' Goldilocks shouted.
Finally, Goldilocks sat on the tiny chair and it was just perfect but after that porridge she was a bit too heavy so she broke it in three seconds!
She was very tiered so she went to the bedrooms. First Goldilocks went to the huge bed and tucked herself in. It was too hard so she went to the small bed.
''It's too hard!'' she said.
It was so soft that she sank in the pillows like on the small chair.
''This bed is too hard and I am sinking in the pillows!'' Goldilocks cried.
Finally, she went to the tiny bed and it was so perfect that she fell fast asleep!
The bears were coming and Goldilocks was still asleep. They saw that someone had tried their porridge and sat on their chairs. After, they found out that someone had went in there beds.
''Someone is sleeping in my bed!'' cried Baby bear.
Baby bear cried out so loud that he woke Goldilocks and she left frightened!
She never came back again and the bears never saw her again!
By Elena
Well done Elena. You used speech punctuation with almost no errors! You also used varied sentence structures well. I especially liked:
DeleteYum this one is just perfect!'' she said eating it like an animal.
This conjures up a fantastic picture in the reader's mind, and shows just how hungry Goldilocks was!
Remember to check your spellings carefully before you post (bowls and their/there)
Once upon a time there lived three bears, Dady bear, Mummy bear and Baby bear. They lived in a medium sized cottege and Mummy bear was preparing a delicious porridge for them. Then, they sat down, all together, and tried thier porridge. Everyone thought that it was too hot so they decided to go for a walk in the dry green forest.
DeleteWhile the scary bears were walking in the forest, there was a little girl named Goldilocks. She had long beautiful gold hair and she was wearing a blue dress with bright red shoes. One day Goldilocks was skipping through the dry green forest. Later, she arrived to a medium sized cottege. Goldilocks knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
After that, it began to rain so the bears were coming back to their cottege in a bit of a hurry. She decided to go in, because the door was left opened, and there was nobody there so she stayed there just for a few minutes until the rain had stopped. There were three bowls of porridge. One huge one, one small one and one tiny bowl with one huge spoon, one small one and one tiny one. Goldilocks was rather hungry so she went to the huge bowl and tried some.
''It's too hot!'' she said.
It was too hot plus the spoon was too heavy so she went to the small bowl and it was too cold.
''It's too cold!'' said Goldilocks.
Finally, she went to the tiny bowl and it was so perfect that she ate it all up!
''Yum this one is just perfect!'' she said eating it like an animal.
Then, Goldilocks wanted to sit down so she went to the living room. Then she found three chairs, one huge one, one small one and one tiny one. First, Goldilocks sat on the huge chair and it was too hard.
''It's too hard!'' said Goldilocks complaining.
Next, she sat on the small chair and that one was too soft that she sank!
''This one is too soft. I'm sinking!'' Goldilocks shouted.
Finally, Goldilocks sat on the tiny chair and it was just perfect but after that porridge she was a bit too heavy so she broke it in three seconds!
She was very tiered so she went to the bedrooms. First Goldilocks went to the huge bed and tucked herself in. It was too hard so she went to the small bed.
''It's too hard!'' she said.
It was so soft that she sank in the pillows like on the small chair.
''This bed is too hard and I am sinking in the pillows like last time!'' Goldilocks cried.
Finally, she went to the tiny bed and it was so perfect that she fell fast asleep!
The bears were coming and Goldilocks was still asleep. They saw that someone had tried their porridge and sat on their chairs. After, they found out that someone had went in their beds.
''Someone is sleeping in my bed!'' cried Baby bear.
Baby bear cried out so loud that he woke Goldilocks and she left frightened!
She never came back again and the bears never saw her again!
By Elena
Like that?
DeleteBy Elena
Once upon a time there lived a girl called Goldilocks, she was very young and didn’t know much. She had thick gold hair. One bright sunny day she was walking through the forest. Suddenly it started to rain. Luckily she saw a house to keep dry. So she knocked on the door, but there was no answer so she went inside and she noticed nobody was there
ReplyDeleteJust then a sweet and attractive smell caught the back of her throat “PORRIDE!” She shouted. She was very hungry and couldn’t resist some porridge as soon as she saw three bowls on a neat table. She first tried the big bowl “this is too hot”, she complained. Then she tried the second bowl and she complained “this is too cold”. She hoped the last one would be good and it was just perfect for her, so she at it all.
Goldilocks was very tired so she went upstairs and saw three beds in a room. She tried the first big bed and found out that bed was too hard so she tried the second bed. That bed was too soft for her, so she tried the last one and it was perfect for her.
The bears saw her sleeping and growled a bear growl. As soon as she saw the bears, she ran downstairs ran out of house into the forest to her own village.
By Ithisha
Little red riding hood was a very clever girl.One day,Her mum asked her to visit her grandma.She hopped along the path.It took her ages to get to her grandmas house.On the way she met a rabbit the rabbit wanted to trick her to get all the goodies she was carring.In a sweet voice he said"Shall i carry your basket for you?"."YOU CAN TALK"screamed little red riding hood and she offered her some biscuits.Finally she arrived at her grandmas house but a wolf was watching this and pretended to be her granny.She screamed as she noticed the wolf.She shouted for help.Luckily the rabbit came to help and killed the wolf.It managed to do this by tricking it.SOON THE RABBIT AND LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD BECAME FRIENDS.THE END
ReplyDeleteBy Ashlyn
Once upon a time there lived a girl called little red riding hood. She was very clever. One day her mother told her to go to her grandmas house and give her some cookies. But her grandma lived in the woods so her mother told her to follow the blue path. Her mother gave her a gold basket for her to put them in and of she went.
ReplyDeleteAs she walked she met a wolf and he wants some cookies so he politly asked and she gave him one. Then they walked and they had tea the end. MISHCA
Once upon a time there lived a boy called Jack and he lived with his mum.All they can eat is eggs from a chicken so Jacks mum decided to sell the the chicken for money so the can eat proper food.Jack liked the chicken. On the way to the sell store Jack met a wise man. The man said he would wanted to trade the chicken for magic beans so jack agread. Jack ran home and as soon as his mum saw the beans she shouted"you selled a chicken for beans.give me the beans and got to your room!!!"his mum through them out the window.The next Jack look outside an he saw a large beanstalk! Jack
ReplyDeleteclimbed to the top.When he got to the top he saw a large mansion. Jack went inside he saw a chicken he stall the chicken and ran outside then he skydived. Then he Chopped the been stalk. then the chicken laded a golden egg and the became rich.THE END
ITQUAN
Soham
ReplyDeleteGoldilock and the Three bears
Once upon a time, there lived the Three bears in a beautiful house in the forest.At breakfast time they were letting their porridge to cool. So they decided to go for a walk. However they didn't close the door! One girl came to the house and knocked on the door. No one answered. So she open the door and ate their porridge but she finished Baby Bears porridge! Then she sat on their chair and broke Baby Bears chair. Then, she went upstair and slept on everyone bed but she is still sleeping on Baby Bear bed. When the Bears came home they were horrified that the door is open. They went inside and starting roaring. Then they went upstairs and fund Goldilocks sleeping in their bed Father bear growled, showing his shiny, polished and sharp teeth.Goldilocks woke up and ran away, never to be seen again